Tag Archives: Experience

What does it feel like to be me?

Honestly, I have no idea.

In examining this issue closely I wonder if the question itself is even valid. If I were to actually FEEL my own self, it would be implying a duality that negates the entire experience.

For example if I were to come to believe that it feels peaceful to be me, there are actually two things occurring. There is the peaceful feeling, and there is the noticing of that peaceful feeling. Which one is me? Now I could then move on and say that I am the noticer. But again there are two things happening. There is the noticing, and then there is the awareness of the noticer.So which one of those is me? On and on and on it goes.

Every experience requires a duality. In the quest for the true self our attention is always placed on the flavor of the experience. We want to EXPERIENCE our true selves. We want to somehow watch it from afar, see that it is beautiful, and then take solace in that beauty. We want that beauty to be eternal and never leave us. My spiritual journey is packed with attempts at searching for the perfect experience that is infinite and blissful.

But now knowing that no experience will ever show me my true self where does that leave me. It is pointless, or even insane, to keep searching for bliss, or joy, or peace. I know these only as different kinds of experiences. On the flip side it is also pointless to avoid those undesirable experiences such as fear, shame, and guilt. These must also be irrelevant and not indicative of WHO I am.

My true self is not something I can run toward or run away from. I can’t find it. I can’t avoid it. I can’t use words to describe it. It is not a song or a painting. It is not love or hate. It is not happiness or sadness. I am left with nothing but a blank space.

There is no next step. There is nothing to do to finally get it.

* I was about to write that I don’t need any time but i felt a huge panic attack sweep over me. On a deeper level I know this means I am on to something but the feeling is quite overwhelming. Like I am about to pass out at a moments notice and maybe not wake up again. Perhaps that is enough for one day 🙂 

Vemödalen: The Fear That Everything Has Already Been Done

First things first, watch the short video below.

How does that video make you feel?

At first glimpse it made me sad. It seems to indicate that our lives are bound to be unoriginal. That all experiences have already been experienced.

I’ll concede that to a certain extent every photo has already been taken. And every joke has already been told. Every snowflake may be different but it is still just snow.

But two people looking at the same picture, or hearing the same joke will not experience it the same way. A single event can have infinite experiences. Perhaps from this perspective it is impossible to be unoriginal. It is not our creations that define our uniqueness but rather our experiences.

Many photos in the montage certainly share the same theme but I would think that if you look deeper they will tell vastly different stories. Another perspective is that since you can only ever know how YOU experience events, it is impossible to tell if someone else has had that exact experience. Originality is thus an obsolete concept.

This video highlights that if you try to convey to others the appearance of being original, of being a trendsetter, or being unique in your creations, you will inevitably discover many who are just like you. Especially on the level of things. There is this human tendency to group things together in the belief it helps us process the world more effectively. It is through such labeling that people are robbed of their depth, especially in the eyes of others.

As most end up failing obtaining a satisfactory sense of self from others we are forced to look elsewhere for meaning. It is a journey that we all share and perhaps the single example being unoriginal.